


who said love couldn't kill?

by tsukkclouds



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Blood, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Memory Loss, One-Sided Love, Sad Ending, Unrequited Love, but kuroo doesn't feel the same, kenma loves kuroo, there's some happy stuff at the end if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:48:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25806130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsukkclouds/pseuds/tsukkclouds
Summary: "but he doesn't regret it one bit - he doesn't regret falling in love with kuroo."alternatively; a hanahaki disease fic but with memory loss as an additional side effect.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 14
Kudos: 123





	who said love couldn't kill?

**Author's Note:**

> i apologise in advance for any grammar inconsistencies; i was writing this in my emo mood at 3am and my brain shut down on me :( this is my first hq fic though so i'd really appreciate any feedback!! :"))
> 
> @tskclouds on twt

kenma remembers the first time it happened.

he remembers the dark clouds shrouding the sky and the rustling of the autumn leaves amidst the chilling wind.

he remembers the way their fingers intertwined; the warmth of kuroo's grip as they ran home in the rain after training ended later than usual.

he remembers the soft pitter patter of rain on his windowsill that night - the night he first realised that he was in love with kuroo tetsurou - the stupid, caring, loud, kind boy that he grew up with.

it was at that exact moment when it all started; the subtle yet persistent itching in his throat as he lay in bed, consumed with thoughts about the said boy.

no amount of water, or clearing of his throat, had gotten rid of the itching - it was as if something had been stuck in his throat, clawing to get out.

it had been a flower petal, kenma realised after he woke up at two in the morning, coughing incessantly.

he remembers staring at the light purple petal in wonder, thumbing it gently between his fingers. had he accidentally swallowed a flower petal while running home?

it had been a purple lilac - _first love_.

he didn't think much of it.

which was why kenma was slightly confused when it happened again two weeks later.

he had left his jacket in the changing room that day - he had planned to just go home and retrieve it the next day, but the team had dragged him out for dinner after training.

kenma vaguely remembered shivering lightly as lev chatted animatedly next to him, unaware of his teammate's predicament. it had gotten even colder over the past two weeks.

almost immediately, a well-worn, oversized jacket was draped over his shoulders. he looked up in surprise to find kuroo - _of course it was kuroo_ \- grinning at him. "i can't have my favourite setter falling sick, can i?"

standing there, enveloped by the warm, comforting scent that was so familiarly kuroo - _kuroo,_ who never failed to notice what kenma needed, even if kenma never voiced it out; the only one so attuned to kenma's every action - kenma couldn't stop the light stirring in his heart.

"thanks, kuro," he suppressed a cough as the familiar itching of his throat resurfaced.

"anything for you, kenma," kuroo smiled brightly, patting his head gently.

a small cough escaped his lips. panicking, kenma covered his mouth quickly as a series of coughs wracked his body.

"kenma?" kuroo's eyes shone with worry, rubbing kenma's back lightly. "what happened, are you alright?"

he crushed the petals in his hand and shoved it in his pocket.

"I'm fine. i just choked on my saliva," kenma breathed nervously.

"oh," kuroo laughed, relieved. "let's catch up to the rest, then."

kenma returned home in kuroo's jacket, partly because he had forgotten to return it, but a small part of him didn't want to return it, wanting to stay wrapped in the familiar warmth and scent of kuroo for as long as possible.

he pulled out the now-crumpled petals from the pocket.

it was larger this time; a creamy-white flower: a gardenia, kenma remarked. _a secret love._

it was only after kenma coughed out flowers for the third time during training camp did he discover the reason behind his suffering.

he was hanging out with shoyou after training that night when a familiar arm slid loosely around his waist, the person resting his chin naturally in the crook of kenma's neck. "i couldn't find you anywhere, kenma. turns out you were hanging out with chibi-chan!"

"kuroo-san!"

"kuro," kenma greeted quietly, trying to calm his racing heart. "what is it that you want?"

kuroo pouted. "come on, i can't come hang out with my favourite person?"

he didn't notice hinata grinning while staring at the pair with a small tilt of his head. "kenma, you didn't tell me that you and kuroo-san were dating!"

kenma spluttered, shrugging off kuroo's arm quickly.

kuroo let out a bark of laughter at the question, as if the idea itself was preposterous. "kenma and i aren't dating, he's my best friend! we wouldn't date each other, right, kenma?"

_he's my best friend._

truth be told, kenma expected it - he never expected kuroo to return his feelings, but expecting it and hearing him say it in person was a different thing. each word stabbed his heart like a dagger; twisting and digging deep into his chest relentlessly - inflicting an excruciating pain that kenma could't even begin to describe in words.

he felt the familliar crawling in his throat as he mumbled out a small "yeah". it felt worse this time, like there was something bigger sprouting in his lungs, twisting and burgeoning its way up his throat. 

"well, you two have fun then, i'm going to find bokuto to practise some blocking. kenma, i'll see you tonight! bye, chibi-chan!" kenma nearly breathed out in relief when kuroo ruffled his hair and left the area.

he didn't miss the small gasp of shock from shoyou when he doubled over in pain as he coughed out yet another flower.

"kenma, you..." hinata trailed off, a flash of recognition in his eyes as he noticed what kenma was holding in his hand. "you coughed out a flower."

nodding slowly, kenma tried to gauge his reaction as he stared in worry at the pink flower tinted with blood in kenma's hand. it was a full flower this time, with small leaves accompanying it; a pink camellia - _a deep longing for someone_.

"hanahaki disease," hinata breathed.

"what?"

"you're coughing out flowers, kenma. it's the hanahaki disease... a result of one-sided love."

kenma dropped the flower.

"hanahaki disease," hinata pulled out his phone to read from it. "a disease wherein the victim of unrequited begins to vomit or cough up the petals and flowers of a flowering plant growing in their lungs, which will eventually grow large enough to render breathing impossible if left untreated. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings, or when the victim dies. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, besides the victim's romantic feelings for their love disappearing, the victim also completely forgets his beloved."

hinata looked up at a silent kenma. "I'm... sorry." quietly, he reached over to hold kenma in a hug.

they stayed like this for a few minutes, neither of them saying a word.

kenma broke the silence in a whisper. "how did you know of this, shoyou?"

"I suffered from the same disease for a period of time," he admitted quietly. "that's why i recognised it the moment i saw the flower." _kageyama?_

"how did it stop?"

"i confessed to him and he returned my feelings," hinata replied softly.

"kenma... it's kuroo, isn't it?" hinata asked hesitantly.

he gave a small nod.

"just... promise me you'll take care of yourself and seek help if it gets worse? you can tell me, i'll be here with you." hinata asked nervously, at a loss as to how to comfort his friend. "I don't want you to get hurt, kenma."

kenma smiled weakly, offering no reply.

kenma never intended for kuroo to find out, but nevertheless, he did.

"kenmaaaa!" kuroo had burst into his room one night, the way he always did when they were younger. "i heard from yaku that you weren't feeling well, why didn't you tell me?"

"...it's nothing."

kuroo tsked lightly, crawling under the covers beside his friend, his arm naturally finding its way around kenma's waist.

kenma's heart stuttered.

he resisted the urge to curl up into kuroo like he usually did, desperately trying to ignore the warmth that was spreading through his body from where he was pressed close against kuroo.

kuroo frowned, pressing the back of his hand lightly to kenma's forehead. "you're really sick, aren't you? you're burning up."

kenma swatted it away, holding his breath to suppress a cough. he couldn't, not when kuroo was still here.

"i'm fine, kuro. you should go home."

he looked at kenma, eyes flashing with hurt for a brief moment _(kenma didn't miss it - he never missed things about kuroo)_ , before masking it with a smile. "you really want me to leave?"

a small pang of guilt hit him. he opened his mouth to object, but any chances of speaking were lost as he curled up in pain, a persistent cough overtaking him.

_shit, it's getting worse._

pushing kuroo's arm away, kenma stumbled out of bed to the bathroom in panic, a hand slapped tight over his mouth.

there was so much blood. a single red rose - _love,_ had ripped its way through kenma's throat, choking him as he clawed desperately at it, its thorns scraping ruthlessly against the soft tissue.

he swallowed the remaining blood, wincing in pain at his torn-up throat.

"k-kenma," kuroo breathed, staring at the scene in horror. _no- he wasn't supposed to see this. he wasn't supposed to find out._ "how long has this been going on?"

"a couple of weeks," kenma wheezed, struggling to speak. "can you pass me some water?"

kuroo stared at him in worry as he downed glass after glass of water, as if in doing so, he could somehow wash the flowers, wash his feelings out of his lungs.

kenma sighed. "sorry about that, i didn't mean for you to see it."

kuroo glanced at him in disbelief. "sorry about that? kenma, this isn't a joking matter, you could _die_ from this! you should have told me earlier!"

"it's such a stupid thing, huh? who would've thought of it? coughing out flowers because of some _stupid_ feelings." kenma laughed bitterly in response.

kuroo was silent.

"who... is it?"

_who else could it be, kuro? who else but you?_

"a guy," kenma offered, refusing to elaborate further.

"are you planning to go for surgery?"

kenma hummed quietly, conflicted. was it really worth going for surgery? was it worth forgetting all about kuroo just so kenma could live?

_was a life without kuroo really worth it?_

"i don't know."

kuroo looked frustrated by his response. "do you really love him so much that you'd give up your life for him? is it really worth it?"

kenma stared back at him.

_if it's you, anything is worth it._

kenma shrugged, "maybe."

kuroo ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "but i don't want you to suffer. i don't want to see you in pain. i can't... i can't imagine a life without you, kenma."

he gazed at kenma with an unreadable expression in his eyes.

"promise me you'll go for surgery if it gets even worse?"

_and forget all about you?_

"kenma?" kuroo gripped his hand desperately. "please?"

_kuro, you don't know what you're asking of me._

he sighed in defeat. he couldn't say no, not when it was kuroo.

"okay."

kenma is now lying in the hospital bed, kuroo by his side holding his hand as he coughs up yet another bloody flower.

he is staring at the yellow daffodil in his hand - _the flower of unrequited love,_ heart thumping with fear and anxiety.

he is staring at kuroo, tracing his face with his eyes, trying to imprint every feature, every memory, every moment spent with him in his heart, before he loses it all.

he remembers the first time they met - two small boys hiding behind their mothers, too shy to greet each other.

he remembers the first time kuroo taught him how to play volleyball - kuroo had laughed that ugly, loud laugh that kenma came to adore, when the ball smacked him in the face.

he remembers sleeping curled up next to kuroo - the feel of kuroo's arm around his waist, the familiar, musky, comforting scent that was so uniquely _kuroo_.

he remembers the feel of kuroo's hand in his, the warmth of his fingers, the gentle smile reserved only for kenma.

_it had always been him._

"are you ready?" kuroo smiles gently, stroking comforting, small circles on the back of kenma's hand.

kenma doesn't reply, choosing instead to pull kuroo into a hug.

"i love you, kuro." kenma whispers, the secret he'd kept for so long finally falling from his lips. he buries his head in kuroo's neck as he starts to tear up.

"i love you too, kenma. you know that, right?" kuroo smiles brightly, holding kenma in a tight embrace.

kenma knows he does - even if his love for kenma isn't the same as kenma's love for him.

but he doesn't regret it one bit - he doesn't regret falling in love with kuroo.

"I'll be here waiting for you once it's all over," kuroo pats his head gently, fingers brushing away the tears on kenma's face. "there's no need to be afraid."

kenma smiles, the tears blurring his vision, but its the brightest smile he's ever given, and kuroo is surprised.

_"i know."_

kenma glances back one last time as he is wheeled away, taking in the familiar sight of the boy he loves so much smiling back at him for the last time.

_thank you for everything, kuro._

there's a faint murmuring and shuffling of feet as kenma opens his eyes.

his mother is there - shoyou is there, but there's an unfamiliar, dark-haired boy with the most beautiful hazel eyes holding his hand.

kenma is confused for a moment.

he doesn't recognise the boy, but the grip of his hand in his isn't foreign.

"...who are you?"


End file.
